Perfectly Imperfect

The goal is not to be perfect; the goal is to be accepted for the imperfections.

A Different Life – Till Death Do Us Part

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If you are in a jolly Valentine’s lovey dovey mood, this is not a post you want to dampen your mood with. Considered yourself warned.

For some reasons, I decided that it’s a great idea to stay alone in a massive villa in a foreign land, and move to another city in a few days.

Let’s say, this is the first day of a different life – perhaps not completely unexpected, but definitely unplanned.

So, I chose a really nice villa in a somewhat isolated part of the province, it was everything I wanted a relaxing vacation to be; it turned out to be more interesting than I ordered. We changed 3 villas in 3 days, and we get the extra room opened up because the shower drainage wasn’t draining well in the master bedroom’s bathroom.

Just when we think we can finally relax and enjoy the rest of the vacation, life throws a mega curve ball at us. Now, it is just me and the 2 bedrooms villa, with an unbelievably long jacuzzi pool, and no plush cat. (We forgot to pack the plush meow in the luggage this time.)

Yoda

I think, as much as I yearned to be protected by the man, I am stronger than I imagined.

Do you choose to take the hardest blow first, or last? Oddly, I always opt for the hardest blow first. See, my brain reasons that if I can survive the hardest blow, I can survive everything else that follows. Acute pain that hopefully ends sooner is better than chronic pain that drags a wall-of-China long.

“Bravery prevails upon chaotic times”.

To go through the remaining vacation alone without wallowing, I will certainly need some Yoda’s wisdom.

I am not going to lie, it’s not the easiest thing to do since there phases to go through. I don’t believe that by not putting the word out there, will make it less true. I say this all the time, fact is just fact, the sooner that we accept it, the sooner we get over an episode.

So you see? Is it not weird that I choose to wallow (yeah, I think I am entitled to some wallowing) and nurse the fresh wound, and then get crashed down tomorrow since it’s Valentine’s Day (nah, that’s a big fat lie, I don’t care about Valentine’s Day), and then pack the luggage alone and take a long ride to another city. Then, I will stay in another huge hotel with many luxurious amenities (at least what I saw on the photos online!) in a bustling city, only having no one to share the indulgence with.

Ok, now that I put it that way, it sounds pathetic. Honestly, please don’t paint me the color of victim, that color doesn’t flatter me, not a wee bit. In any failed relationship, both lost – unless we are talking about multi-billionaire with multi-billion worth of assets. Fortunately and unfortunately, we are and have neither.

I will let you know if this was possibly the best way to get over a relationship that ends rather abruptly. 😛 The only drama is that suddenly, in the blink of the eyes, the world I knew is changed forever. Ending a marriage is difficult, because there was just too far ahead plans that have been made, and were still making.

Imagine this, it’s akin to repainting the wall, except that the length of the wall is stretched to as far as you imagined you would live. “Till death do us part”, remember?

I don’t regret the time that was spent together, and a future that we’d painted. We were happy. At this point, there are no ‘what ifs’, ‘should haves’, it is just putting one foot ahead of the other, and move forward; before we know it, we are out of the tunnel.

Blogging is truly the therapeutic way to reason with myself and put the bloody wound out to dry.

 

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2 comments for “A Different Life – Till Death Do Us Part

  1. Belinda Lee
    February 17, 2013 at 10:01 am

    The cat never fails to travel with you………that was a sign :((

    • February 20, 2013 at 11:51 am

      This phase is the hardest, but I know I will get through, one way or another. We had something great in the 6 years, it should never have ended the way it does, but shelving that aside. I am very thankful for the journey. An intended chapter in my life to move towards another master plan, one that I might not know right away now, but I am keeping that faith that the universe has something better for me. I just need to go through one day at a time. I won’t lie, I am going through unimaginable emotional pain, minute by minute, but I am managing.

      There is no one in the world right now, that can share this pain with me. I take full ownership of this agony, because if I don’t, I will fall under, and I may not find a way back.

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