Perfectly Imperfect

The goal is not to be perfect; the goal is to be accepted for the imperfections.

I Celebrate My Freedom – I Am No Longer Afraid to Be Different!

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This is almost reason to celebrate, but not quite yet!

I have finished the last school term’s assignment, and now, it’s just one more final lecture and then examination! I have never been so excited about examination! 2 days after the last paper, I will be getting my due sleep on a long flight (very long flight!)!

I imagine it will be perfect. I really need a long rest. This year has been a super fast-moving year. I have been busy!

Are you working on your resolution yet? I don’t see the point of it, when I set out to do something, then I do something, and I always get things done, so, define resolution?

I do however, review on the events and personal development that took place in the year, before the new year begins.

Well, nothing too major happened. I could list them out easily:

1. Ended a 6 years marriage in the most abrupt and dramatic fashion (almost with the evil queen laughing eerily in the background), but with a class undoubtedly!

2. Enrolled myself into psychology studies which I had planned to do after the housing arrangement; the institute offered a $1000 discount if I started the term in April (was signing up for July intake, but what the heck, might as well! Who needs adjustment!)

3. Crazy super adjustment (yeah, I do need some adjustment!!) of massive changes in the new reality – well, I am super resilient, it’s not so challenging to transit from single to married, it’s not so tough to revert from married to single too, you know, it’s just reality, resist or accept, life still happens!

4. Frantically trying to establish some form of routine for classes, orders, mail run, law firm, change ID and passport from Mrs to Ms, the only routine that was established was – chaos!

5. Decided it’s time to ‘formalise’ my quirks, and have myself diagnosed and certified for Asperger’s Syndrome. End of the day, every regular and ordinary boy wants a normal wife, so, well, I’d better be sure that I am the not-so-normal wife to justify it and I am really good at confronting reality. I must be also a slight (or a lot!) bit cheesed off by the overrated ‘normality’. This is my deal, I have Aperger’s Syndrome, it will NEVER go away, I will NEVER get ‘better’ (I am better the way I am; you don’t get to choose to take it or leave it. I will NEVER be an option EVER.).

6. Struggled with the bureaucratic system (I always have a problem with authority. They don’t deliver what they promise, it’s not ok!)

7. Paying off social debts – still at it; it’s fricking 7 years of social debts! And so that swung my weighing scale to and fro for a bit. Eat, eat, and too much eating!

8. Planning to end the year with a blast – oh well, just a long winter vacation, no biggie.

So, the year is soon ending, so is my first year of Psychology studies. My long winter vacation might bring me more surprises and new inspirations to what life may bring.

Thus far, there is no better way to have lived this year like I did! I am quite proud of myself! When the marriage fell apart, I knew it was only that aspect of my life that fell apart, my life didn’t have to, and it doesn’t. In spite of the challenges, I set out to live a fruitful and purposeful life so that 5 years from then, when I look back to this point of my life, I would still be proud of how life has unfolded.

The only big thing that happened is that I surprised myself that I am capable of love even love failed me. If you had known anything about Asperger’s, you will know that throwing myself out in the social pool like that, is one of the biggest fears and challenges any Aspie would have to endure. I can’t say I come out of it great, I am still paddling my way through with some medical assistance (anxiety is the most powerful magnet when we socialize, and just be with too many people and exposing myself to massive sensory overload!). The bonus I get out of the school is the few great friends that I made. They are more tolerant and patient towards my oddities, so it does make things better for me.

Today, I celebrate my freedom! This wine is called Nu Er Hong – literally translated as daughter red. There is a nice story behind this ‘yellow wine’. I can’t say I am a fan of the wine, if I ever liked it, it would be an acquired taste.

The name is so feminine, celebration of the birth of a daughter! I celebrate to becoming an independent (I am getting better with directions, if that adds points to my ‘independence’, that is) woman who is no longer afraid to be different.

Drink up!

 

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