Did you do the usual Merry Christmas and Happy New Year countdown? Personally, counting down is only meaningful when doing it with someone you at least think will spend the rest (or at least foreseeable future) of your life together.
Recap the things that have been done in the year, the progresses, the setbacks. The lessons.
I did that in Bend, Oregon this year. Last year was eventful but something sweet may be in store for me. I was excited about this trip and the next destination to for a reunion.
Before we know it, Lunar New Year is approaching, so is Valentine’s day. Of course, then I get asked a lot if it is about time that I find new love. I thought I have found it, for certain this time. Sometimes, the fog makes the future more desirable, and many times, Aspie love is only one-sided affair. The context of ‘feelings’ and ‘love’ cannot be measured, words are weightless when it comes to affection.
I was married to NT, I was treated like a queen and showered with many gifts. Unfortunately, NT vs Aspie love proves to be very challenging, and both my marriages ended with straying and countless of lies.
So, I thought, perhaps Aspie vs Aspie love should work. Well, at least many Autistic forums and individuals on the spectrum convinced me to subscribe to the theory. I do love the gentler and more understanding Aspie men. I felt safer that I can have a meltdown after series of sensory overload. I was quite convinced that these Aspie men would understand, not freak out, and empathise with me.
I was happy to have found 2 very nice Aspie men who have been very giving and patient with me. This would be me in happy mood – my expressions are sometimes very subtle, it doesn’t mean I am not excited, I just have a less animated expression.
The first Aspie man who I have known has a big heart; he prepares a big bucket for me to dump my meltdown and tears. He doesn’t judge, he is just there.
I wrote an article about the ‘Pre-requisites – Dating the Aspie Girls‘ last year, I wasn’t looking to date again. I ruled out Aspie boys! I could be right for excluding Aspie boys. When the Aspie girl and Aspie boy are both suffering from a meltdown triggered by different sources of stresses. They don’t get any help, because essentially, they most reliable and dependable partner has to deal with his/her meltdown first, and one of them will have to take a back seat and suck it up because apparently, even meltdowns have ‘grades of severity’.
I think the cat will have an answer to that – a bag is a bag, big bag, small bag, they are all bags.
I was in a Childhood Disorder lecture. The lecturer prompted the question – which disorder do you think affects the parents most?
I find that question redundant and unnecessary. Disorder is disorder, parents don’t get to choose, and if they could, they would choose ‘no disorder’. By grading the severity of disorders, we subject ourselves to biases and abuse. By determining that an autistic child in her meltdown as less severe as compared to another childhood disorder, that is an abuse; that determination will essentially cast a stigma that unequal attention and treatment will be distributed unevenly across the children with different disorders.
Similarly, 2 Aspie lovers are having a meltdown, and they started to compare whose meltdown is more severe then who will get the privilege of not needing to care for the other Aspie partner whom he/she pledged his/her love for. The ‘loser’ will have no support while he/she needs it most, and the ‘winner’ gets to ignore him/her, because remember? His/her meltdown is more severe.
I wish I could get to choose when I will have a meltdown, to better convenient the other person, alas, meltdown, just like Asperger’s is not a lifestyle choice. It is cruel, for one Aspie to insinuate that another Aspie’s meltdown is insignificantly small as compared to his/hers.
So, probably Aspie love won’t work for me too. Then the friend asks, ‘Nt/Aspie love won’t work; Aspie/Aspie love won’t work; what then?’
Well, when all things fail, there is always online match-making! Maybe it’s just this Aspie guy who is not right for me; I shouldn’t capsize the entire boat just because one Aspie man wants me out of his life. Just saying!
My description will include the word ‘Aspie’, and then, I should also get ready the links to several books about Asperger’s Syndrome and get the guys to read. If that freaks them out, they are out of the first qualifying round. ;P
But I may not want to play the dating game anymore. The love is just not rewarding enough for the heartbreak. Until I meet someone who is just like me, who values life time commitment like I do, who wants to create memories that we can recount and retell when we become old folks, I won’t date. If you know an Aspie man like that, send him my way. ;P
The Aspie couple who made it till the end – don’t lose hope yet, my fellow Aspie. You may find you Donald or Isabelle. There will be meltdowns, there will be uncertainties, there will be tears, but they made it together. The secret is not just love (it’s the essence!) but also that they value each other more important than anything else. Love in the purest state.