Perfectly Imperfect

The goal is not to be perfect; the goal is to be accepted for the imperfections.

The Ugly World

Tony Attwood, best known for his knowledge and expertise in Asperger’s Syndrome, quoted, “You don’t suffer from Asperger’s, you suffer from other people.”. He is right, I don’t suffer from Asperger’s, I suffer from people, and by people, I mean ALL people, on or not on the autism spectrum.

People with Asperger’s often cite Attwood’s quote in a perhaps a misconstrued way, that it applies strictly to suffering from NT (neurotypical) people.

NTs don’t set out to make our lives miserable, they set out to treat us as the normal people, and it shouldn’t be faulted upon them. Unless we put the labels out there, not many people can spot our invisible disability with naked eyes. Even the experts misdiagnose all the time, so that should paint a clearer picture that our challenges are not easily comprehended.

Many of the fellow Aspies grow to hate the world – the world that is filled with NTs, they exclaimed. I don’t hate the world for that, I grow to be sick of it because of the evolution that changes people to become doubtful creatures.

TwoFaced_good

Gone were the days when most people are what you see. Gone were the days when kindness and graciousness are exactly what they are.

TwoFaced_bad

I remembered those days when people didn’t like you, they gave you a nasty look or didn’t even bother to pretend they liked you. It could however, be my ‘blindness’ to hidden cues, so there could be a bunch of people who didn’t like me, but pretended they liked me anyway, and of course I would believe it.

TwoFaced

I grow to dislike this world because of the people on it. People with any form of disorders are not immune to being jerks. Most of us are capable of learning (some are not, especially if the disorders affect their intellectual ability, those are the exceptions), so we do pick up the good and bad stuffs.

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I am getting sick of two-faced people.

This world has become less warm and less welcoming because people doubt your intentions. Altruism will soon be a ‘lost word’ because no one believes its existence. At present, altruism is believed to be non-existent in the world of psychology, it’s argued that even by wanting to feel good about being good is a self-serving intention. (Exactly how screwed up are we!)

It surprised (and saddened) me on many occasions when I did something out of no particular reason – and I do that a lot, I have this special talent of being quite intelligent but dumb at the same time – and the recipients would ask what did I gain from that. It’s a simple gesture that I didn’t think worth plotting a motive for, yet, the world believes that there is no gesture too small as a stepping stone to a major and massive motive. (How we love conspiracy theory!)

Say, I was in a happy mood, and I bought extra desserts to share with the colleagues. It was an innocent gesture on my part, an expression of my joyous mood. It became something worth group  speculations and gossips about my motive or impending intentions.

Am I fed up because I feel unappreciated? Or am I just resenting what the world is becoming? Or both?

The environment shapes us, but perhaps with awareness and possibly isolation (sadly), we may become unaffected. When we were children, we were innocent and naive, but gradually we learnt to be part of the doubting society.

I have options. I could give in to my disappointment, and inculcate the same values that most people have, by altering my simple mindset to fit the majority’s ‘there is no free lunch’ concept. That should keep me on my toes and be suspicious about every nice gesture that comes my way.

Or, I could heed the advice of a wise man on the metaphor of being a cat. A cat sits on the keyboard everyday, some days her owner finds that very endearing and cute, and snapped a tons of photos and uploaded on the social media platforms; other days, the same action yields frustration and yelling. How should the cat know what should be the right thing to do? So, she sits on the keyboard everyday, regardless. So, the advice to me was to be like a cat. I may never know appropriateness, so I should just do what I do if that makes me happy; just like a cat.

Another wise man who may have read my tortured mind, advised that I adopt the Occam’s Razor principle that the simplest explanation is the best explanation when there are two competing hypotheses. A free lunch is just a free lunch.

Actively finding the silver lining and a positive perspective is not to say that I am not hurt or disappointed; it only means that life is tough, I didn’t choose it, but here I am, so I am just trying to make the best out of it. We all should.

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1 comment for “The Ugly World

  1. ry
    January 6, 2015 at 1:09 am

    glad u didn’t cave in to the silly social networking game. imho, in this current world, when crave for social power is in all the rage, one can only be either leaders or followers. or if you prefer not to participate, simply step out of the circle as spectators! 😀

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