“If you could sit on this bench for an hour and talk to anyone, who would it be?”.
What a popular meme that invokes deep thoughts in many people. Some people choose to talk to loved ones who have passed; some choose the recently broken up lovers, some decide to have a wise chat with their younger selves.
I would like another chance to talk to my late best friend, but one hour will never suffice; I have nothing to say to past lovers although they had promised at one point to growing old with me and sit with me on the bench to watch the sunsets while counting wrinkles and recounting memories.
Letting the Old Self Go
It may seem pointless to talk to the younger self in this context (unless! Unless you manage to grab Tardis! Better still, grab Dr. Who with the other hand!), but it is not. It is a piece of advice we wished someone would have given us. Patience, a quality that we hoped we had acquired before all the mistakes were repeatedly made.
Now that we have imagined a “could’ve” scenario, we may feel wiser and hopefully at peace with ourselves. Nothing has changed in reality. The heart is still broken and possibly dead, but we can now bury the old rotting soul and start a different life with different life choices.
We still may have to live with the consequences of all those mistakes, and that is just life. What has hopefully changed is an adjustment mindset. A change in mindset may impact our behaviors and choices, and in turn, affects our mental and emotional well-being.
Before the Heartbreaks
This is what I have to say to my younger self, before the many heartbreaks begin.
Be patient, the younger me. Hold on to your heart.
Allow time for the men to demonstrate their capability and honor their words. Give them time to show who they say they are before giving them your heart.
If they failed, you would only be disappointed but your heart intact. If they succeeded, you have given them the opportunity to grow to meet their potentials and be the men they aspired to become.
Do not fall in love with fancy words and promises, until they are delivered through actions. Potentials are sales pitches, they may not always materialize. Wait instead, for the boys to become men, and men to become dependable and reliable people.
Learn to say, “Show me” when promises are made. Far future promises are unreliable, because there is no promised future.