Perfectly Imperfect

The goal is not to be perfect; the goal is to be accepted for the imperfections.

Category: Friendship

The social department that never registers in my mind.

The Ugly World

Tony Attwood, best known for his knowledge and expertise in Asperger’s Syndrome, quoted, “You don’t suffer from Asperger’s, you suffer from other people.”. He is right, I don’t suffer from Asperger’s, I suffer from people, and by people, I mean ALL people, on or not on the autism spectrum.

Finding the silver lining and a positive perspective is not to say that I am not hurt or disappointed; it only means that life is tough, I didn’t choose it, but here I am, so I am just trying to make the best out of it. We all should.

Loneliness

Once in a while, logic is put at the back burner, and emotions take over resulting in the overwhelmingly deep sense of loneliness deriving from a collision of rational reasoning and engulfing emotions. An overdrive of emotions yet leaving a sense of emptiness.

The dichotomy of emotions and rationality works like a switch, and there is also an emergency trip switch. Overwhelming and confusing emotions set off anxiety, and anxiety trips the emergency switch to high rational mode. In order to maintain functionality, we talk facts and logic, which can be unacceptable. Imagine this, when someone in your life dies, the only thing you could do was to talk about normality of life cycle – birth and death. It’s a way to explain the particular event – death – to make sense of what is happening; but it would be considered as highly insensitive and inappropriate. Our difference in coping methods divides us in times like this. There should be no right or wrong way to cope, yet our response would be considered offending.

Picking up the broken pieces

Often times, we thought of broken heart as one of the most inconsolable pains in human experiences. I won’t refute that. I realised that it is not the moment when your heart was broken that is most painful; it is the picking up the pieces that hurts most.

Pain has a way to distort our rational thoughts. Shall I say, cognitive dissonance? What we know is that the relationship was once good. We felt happy. The same thoughts that once put a smile to our face, now flow the stream of tears down our cheeks. We are suddenly convinced that those are bad thoughts, and we adjust our behaviours to align with the new feelings.

Sometimes, we confuse missing someone with hating someone. It is okay to miss someone that we may never have in our life anymore. Let the truth be truth because it is sad to have to lie to ourselves.

Asperger’s Diary – Rumination in Bubble World

I live in a bubble world of my own. I crave to connect with world out there; I desire for a soulmate who is the same and we will blow a bigger bubble to encompass our individual bubbles. When the bigger bubble is safe enough, we burst our bubbles to be one. Poetic, isn’t it? Therapy  Like my autism, seeking…

Asperger’s Diary – Time Dilution During Meltdown

Time concept changes for the person in the meltdown, and the person waiting. This post illustrates the differences and the possible outcomes. Some outcomes are undesired, and permanent. Meltdown is detrimental to any kind of relationship.

We must not confuse understanding the essence of the meltdown with the instinctive reactions to it. By illuminating the adverse effects of meltdowns, I hope to raise awareness in preventing meltdown than to manage it. Every meltdown can be potentially the last one because practise doesn’t make perfect.

Asperger’s Diary – The Aftermath of Diagnosis

The aftermath of a formal diagnosis for Asperger’s may bring out stages of emotional upheaval that we are not being prepared for. This is my story.

Perhaps only the people (especially the adults) on the autism spectrum could understand the importance of an official diagnosis. No matter how certain are we about our traits matching the described symptoms of being on the spectrum; despite the tons of ‘reliable’ online tests we take (and continue to take*) to validate our suspicion, we will never be 100% satisfied on our personal (intensive) researches and findings. We will always need solid proofs, and official acknowledgement and recognition. We cannot leave things to chances.

Top