Redefining Limitations My limitations defined by my disability are likely to be the secret ingredients to my ‘success’ story. When I say ‘success’, I mean staying alive and generally well. The closest friends and family who knew me since I was a child would describe me as rigid, stubborn, disciplined, and determined. Although I am only diagnosed with Asperger’s in…
For most people, there are the public and private personas – how you behave and be perceived in private and in public. I have two personas too, but not differentiated by these two categories. Some Friends Said… When I was being assessed for Asperger’s, now subsumed under Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), I sought out my old friends from my childhood and…
I don’t really watch Chinese shows or other Asian TV shows, but when I do watch, they are usually in the category of pugilistic films, or with strong historical extracts. I am attracted to the elaborated costumes and setups, and the use of proper Mandarin for that era. Imagine it as the Chinese version of Victorian times, the way the sentences were…
Once in a while, logic is put at the back burner, and emotions take over resulting in the overwhelmingly deep sense of loneliness deriving from a collision of rational reasoning and engulfing emotions. An overdrive of emotions yet leaving a sense of emptiness.
The dichotomy of emotions and rationality works like a switch, and there is also an emergency trip switch. Overwhelming and confusing emotions set off anxiety, and anxiety trips the emergency switch to high rational mode. In order to maintain functionality, we talk facts and logic, which can be unacceptable. Imagine this, when someone in your life dies, the only thing you could do was to talk about normality of life cycle – birth and death. It’s a way to explain the particular event – death – to make sense of what is happening; but it would be considered as highly insensitive and inappropriate. Our difference in coping methods divides us in times like this. There should be no right or wrong way to cope, yet our response would be considered offending.
It’s hard to have a high self-esteem when we were always criticised and punished during the formative years. I would never dream of even trying to reach for the cloud, let alone the stars. Now? I feel that even the skies is not a limit, the only limit is myself.
I fight, not (just) because I have a condition. I fight, because I am worth fighting for. I fight, for me. I fight, to live this hard life to the fullest.
So, maybe Viking is a strong character, I don’t really know what Vikings were capable of, but I know they fight hard and they fight till the end. Fight by all means, but choose your fight wisely. If I lived in the medieval period, I may choose to die fighting. I would be named an honourable hero(ine), and legacy be left in my name. Don’t get me wrong, I definitely swear by the spirit and morality, but alas, this is not that time, and I will uphold the integrity and moral values, but practicing it in full strength will kind of waste and insult my (mere average) intelligence, no?
Many of us suffer from low self-esteem and self-confidence. Many of us produce brilliant artwork, but only a small handful of us take the plunge to put a price tag on our work.
You can defend on a prided high ground, but I don’t buy it. Don’t tell me that ‘selling’ your art is ‘cheap’ or demeaning. When you are 25 years old, and you are still depending on the State handouts or pocket money from parents, and you have to ask your parents to buy you things that you want, tell me again that you don’t want to be financially and personally independent.