Perfectly Imperfect

The goal is not to be perfect; the goal is to be accepted for the imperfections.

Tag: aspie

I Am Still a Child – Meeting an Old Friend

The Larger Picture

I may never escape the brutal social repercussion, but it is not to say that I give up living. I may never be the most pleasant companion, because with time, the most understanding partner will still expect you to have learnt the ‘skills’. The task on hand is to educate the public that just because I am learning, doesn’t mean I can ever master it, I may always just be the student; it’s always going to be an enormous effort on my part, so perhaps we can meet half way. Stop expecting me to ever be the social butterfly – my version of it is like a part-timer in your world. I can be the most charming social butterfly, but I can only handle part-time. 😉 So, I don’t give up learning; and you give up expecting the impossible. Deal?

Loneliness

Once in a while, logic is put at the back burner, and emotions take over resulting in the overwhelmingly deep sense of loneliness deriving from a collision of rational reasoning and engulfing emotions. An overdrive of emotions yet leaving a sense of emptiness.

The dichotomy of emotions and rationality works like a switch, and there is also an emergency trip switch. Overwhelming and confusing emotions set off anxiety, and anxiety trips the emergency switch to high rational mode. In order to maintain functionality, we talk facts and logic, which can be unacceptable. Imagine this, when someone in your life dies, the only thing you could do was to talk about normality of life cycle – birth and death. It’s a way to explain the particular event – death – to make sense of what is happening; but it would be considered as highly insensitive and inappropriate. Our difference in coping methods divides us in times like this. There should be no right or wrong way to cope, yet our response would be considered offending.

Bring Out the Viking in You

It’s hard to have a high self-esteem when we were always criticised and punished during the formative years. I would never dream of even trying to reach for the cloud, let alone the stars. Now? I feel that even the skies is not a limit, the only limit is myself.

I fight, not (just) because I have a condition. I fight, because I am worth fighting for. I fight, for me. I fight, to live this hard life to the fullest.

So, maybe Viking is a strong character, I don’t really know what Vikings were capable of, but I know they fight hard and they fight till the end. Fight by all means, but choose your fight wisely. If I lived in the medieval period, I may choose to die fighting. I would be named an honourable hero(ine), and legacy be left in my name. Don’t get me wrong, I definitely swear by the spirit and morality, but alas, this is not that time, and I will uphold the integrity and moral values, but practicing it in full strength will kind of waste and insult my (mere average) intelligence, no?

Asperger’s Diary – Rumination in Bubble World

I live in a bubble world of my own. I crave to connect with world out there; I desire for a soulmate who is the same and we will blow a bigger bubble to encompass our individual bubbles. When the bigger bubble is safe enough, we burst our bubbles to be one. Poetic, isn’t it? Therapy  Like my autism, seeking…

Asperger’s Diary – Train Myself to Train Other NTs

The Keen Passion I have always wanted to study psychology. It’s no surprise. Long before I was formally diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome Disorder, I have always knew I am painfully different (I am trying to make a distinction here to dismiss the trendy ‘different’ used by people who desperately want to be unique). Being different has been painful, because the majority…

Asperger’s Diary – Time Dilution During Meltdown

Time concept changes for the person in the meltdown, and the person waiting. This post illustrates the differences and the possible outcomes. Some outcomes are undesired, and permanent. Meltdown is detrimental to any kind of relationship.

We must not confuse understanding the essence of the meltdown with the instinctive reactions to it. By illuminating the adverse effects of meltdowns, I hope to raise awareness in preventing meltdown than to manage it. Every meltdown can be potentially the last one because practise doesn’t make perfect.

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