For most people, there are the public and private personas – how you behave and be perceived in private and in public. I have two personas too, but not differentiated by these two categories. Some Friends Said… When I was being assessed for Asperger’s, now subsumed under Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), I sought out my old friends from my childhood and…
Once in a while, logic is put at the back burner, and emotions take over resulting in the overwhelmingly deep sense of loneliness deriving from a collision of rational reasoning and engulfing emotions. An overdrive of emotions yet leaving a sense of emptiness.
The dichotomy of emotions and rationality works like a switch, and there is also an emergency trip switch. Overwhelming and confusing emotions set off anxiety, and anxiety trips the emergency switch to high rational mode. In order to maintain functionality, we talk facts and logic, which can be unacceptable. Imagine this, when someone in your life dies, the only thing you could do was to talk about normality of life cycle – birth and death. It’s a way to explain the particular event – death – to make sense of what is happening; but it would be considered as highly insensitive and inappropriate. Our difference in coping methods divides us in times like this. There should be no right or wrong way to cope, yet our response would be considered offending.
It’s hard to have a high self-esteem when we were always criticised and punished during the formative years. I would never dream of even trying to reach for the cloud, let alone the stars. Now? I feel that even the skies is not a limit, the only limit is myself.
I fight, not (just) because I have a condition. I fight, because I am worth fighting for. I fight, for me. I fight, to live this hard life to the fullest.
So, maybe Viking is a strong character, I don’t really know what Vikings were capable of, but I know they fight hard and they fight till the end. Fight by all means, but choose your fight wisely. If I lived in the medieval period, I may choose to die fighting. I would be named an honourable hero(ine), and legacy be left in my name. Don’t get me wrong, I definitely swear by the spirit and morality, but alas, this is not that time, and I will uphold the integrity and moral values, but practicing it in full strength will kind of waste and insult my (mere average) intelligence, no?
Many of us suffer from low self-esteem and self-confidence. Many of us produce brilliant artwork, but only a small handful of us take the plunge to put a price tag on our work.
You can defend on a prided high ground, but I don’t buy it. Don’t tell me that ‘selling’ your art is ‘cheap’ or demeaning. When you are 25 years old, and you are still depending on the State handouts or pocket money from parents, and you have to ask your parents to buy you things that you want, tell me again that you don’t want to be financially and personally independent.
The Keen Passion I have always wanted to study psychology. It’s no surprise. Long before I was formally diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome Disorder, I have always knew I am painfully different (I am trying to make a distinction here to dismiss the trendy ‘different’ used by people who desperately want to be unique). Being different has been painful, because the majority…
“Ben & Sophie, Hide & Seek” is a short story inspired by true love story between two people on the Autism Spectrum – Asperger’s Syndrome.
Falling in love is an intense process for anyone, more so for people on the spectrum. Aside from not being able to pick up the subtle social cues, people on the spectrum are poorly skilled, if any at all, to express themselves accurately.
Although a brief introduction, I attempt to illustrate the wide spectrum of emotions such as uncertainties, affections, fears, love, sorrow, helplessness, support, courage etc.